EXCLUSIVE: Unbeknownst to the rest of the office, the Dishes Fairy has entered the kitchen of a Heidelberg accounting business and angrily ripped down the sign on the wall above the sink that said “Now, now everyone, the Dishes Fairy doesn’t come along every day to clean up after you. Please wash and dry all of your items. Thanks a bunch!” Following the removal of the sign, there was a murmur of speculation across the office this morning as staff members tried to work out who took it down.
Whilst the majority of staff were secretly happy with the removal of the sign, none would put their hand up to take responsibility. In a The Watsonia Bugle exclusive, we can reveal that it was indeed the Dishes Fairy himself who orchestrated the heist. Speaking from his spotless one bedroom unit in Heidelberg, the Dishes Fairy announced, “If you take the dishes away from me, I’m just another bloody fairy. You don’t see people clamping down on the Tooth Fairy’s business, and that’s actually disgusting, little kids putting blood-stained teeth under their pillows and happily allowing some creepy bastard to come into their rooms at night and purchase their unwanted body parts. It’s not far removed from organ harvesting. And don’t even get me started on the fact that the dodgy old bastard doesn’t have Working with Children accreditation.”
In what could be described as a broad diatribe, the Dishes Fairy said this recent attempt to clamp down on his activities was “symptomatic of some of major problems in this country at the moment. All I’m trying to do is run a successful small business and these arseholes keep trying to shut it down. People should be encouraging hard working people like myself who are willing to get their hands dirty for the benefit of others. This kind of behaviour is why those dickheads in America voted for Trump.” The Dishes Fairy then trailed off into a series of indecipherable remarks before grabbing a Wet One to wipe his spittle off his dining room table.
In the interests of journalistic integrity and fairness, The Watsonia Bugle also sought comment from Rebecca in accounts, the creator of the sign that has angered the Dishes Fairy so bitterly. Despite our attempts, Rebecca said she was too busy making another sign that lightly yet directly condemns the remover of the original sign.