Reports coming out of North Korea in recent days have revealed that Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un has officially changed his name to Kim Jong-UNO after discovering he has a particular knack with the popular card game. Statisticians from the Workers’ Party of Korea, of which Kim is the Chairman, have revealed that he is undefeated after 10,476 individual hands of UNO amongst his friends. Considering that UNO is essentially a game of chance, this is a remarkable streak of success – easily eclipsing the previous record of 87 hands set by American teenager Brad Thompson in the 1980s.

Insiders told The Watsonia Bugle that after long days of picking fights with the world and testing his growing nuclear arsenal, Supreme Leader Kim Jong-UNO retires to his chambers to play multiple hands with whomever he can find. Kim’s superior knowledge and tactical nous allows him to over power every opponent he encounters. A recent highlight saw Kim inflict a “Draw 400” against a hapless opponent. When his opponent politely queried the legality of such a move, jun-UNO slowly shook his head and pointed forcefully to the pile from which the opponent was soon drawing from.

While his renaming seems to be an odd concession to certain elements of Western culture, Kim has previously shown a keen interest in the world beyond North Korea, evidenced by his blossoming friendship with former NBA star Dennis Rodman. Coincidentally, Kim Jong-UNO was also a talented basketballer in his youth, regularly “slamming the dunk” over his opponents. 

Advertisements