A Macleod man has fallen into an apathetic coma at work during a water cooler discussion this morning about astrology, the paranormal, and what it all means for our everyday lives. The discussion commenced when a colleague, Vivian Ruffles, started telling everyone how her weekend had been thrown out by “the retrograde of the planet Mercury”. According to Ruffles, this particular movement of Mercury causes the Earth’s populace to go batshit crazy and create mayhem in the streets. 

Medical professionals describe the apathetic coma as a common, yet barely publicised, affliction that can strike people of all ages. Symptoms include blank stares, heavy blinking, occasional yawning, and general lethargy. Local GP Dr Adam Young says, “most people have the potential to be struck down by an apathetic coma but don’t even realise it. They just think they’re getting sleepy.”

The Macleod man, who requested anonymity, said he could feel the apathetic coma closing in about a minute before it put him out. He said, “at first I was laughing nervously at the conversation, not sure whether they were being serious or not. But when the talk escalated to ghosts and tortured spirits I felt the tell tale signs of an impending apathetic coma. While I wanted to respect their beliefs, I just couldn’t hold on any longer. I carefully sat down on my chair, rested my head on my desk, and fell into a deep yet calming state of unconsciousness.”

Advertisements