A Balwyn resident has referred to venturing north of the Eastern Freeway as going north of the wall in Game of Thrones. Speaking yesterday from the pavement outside her organic grocer while her Pomeranian was safely tethered to a nearby power pole, the woman was overheard saying to her friend, “oh you won’t believe where I’m going tomorrow… I’m going north of the wall!”

The friend recoiled in horror at the news, while the woman continued to tell her brave story. “Oh yes, sometimes you have to do these things for family you know. But honestly it’s just ghastly over there. I swear it’s a few degrees colder, they have these monstrosities called ‘shopping centres’, and this one time on one of their main thoroughfares a young man asked me for spare change. 

“He wasn’t actually a wildling but he had red hair and his overall presentation was uncouth. He smelt as if he hadn’t bathed for days. I told him, ‘darling, I don’t carry cash with me these days, it’s all on card. If you haven’t got EFTPOS facilities I can’t help you I’m afraid. Ahaha!”

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